


SOCKS

by jhsdhalr



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-07
Updated: 2012-03-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 14:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhsdhalr/pseuds/jhsdhalr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's socks are in order, Sherlock's aren't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SOCKS

**Author's Note:**

> Written before Season 2.

John liked to keep his socks in order. He liked them paired neatly, rolled into balls and filed in a special drawer he called his sock drawer. Sherlock opened the drawer one day and was surprised that the socks didn't stand up and salute. Sherlock didn't pair his socks. He couldn't see the point of pairing them as his were all either dark grey or black. He didn't have a special place for them either, unless you counted the floor.

John and Sherlock had arguments about socks. "You should pair them and put them away" John shouted one day "your socks are a disgrace. I've never seen anyone's socks in such a muddle."

"In the general scheme of things" Sherlock informed John "socks come very low in priority. As long as I can find socks when I want them I'm satisfied."

"I found a sock in the refrigerator yesterday" John complained "and it had a golf ball in it."

"That was an experiment" Sherlock said calmly "into whether you can kill someone by hitting them with a sock. There should have been some other socks in there too."

"I didn't look for any more " John groaned "I wanted an egg. Just one little egg and all I could find was your stuff: green goo and bones."

"Oh that was very interesting" Sherlock said enthusiastically "did you know if you mix egg white with ground up bone it turns green?"

"Everything in that refrigerator turns green" John sighed "It needs cleaning."

"I'm not cleaning it" Sherlock said snappily "It was fine until you wanted to put food in it."

"That's what it's for!" John shouted.

"If I want food I go out" Sherlock said. They glared at each other.

"Well just take the socks out of it then" John instructed "I can just about put up with the other rubbish but not the socks."

"There's no reason why socks shouldn't be in a refrigerator" Sherlock said coldly "It's an experiment. Besides, you have a thing about socks."

"A THING?" John shouted.

"Your socks are lined up like soldiers on parade" Sherlock told John, as obviously John hadn't noticed this about his socks and really needed to be informed.

"THEY ARE NOT!" John shouted.

"Yes they are" Sherlock replied.

In order to finally settle this particular argument about socks Sherlock and John went to John's room and looked at his socks. They were very neat in their rows. Sherlock imagined John fussing over the rows and getting irritated if they weren't quite straight.

John looked at his socks with new eyes. He was a bit shocked. "They're just tidy" he mumbled faintly.

"There's tidy and there's tidy" Sherlock said darkly.

"Let's look at yours then" John suggested. They went into Sherlock's room. On first glance it looked as if a hurricane or something equally destructive had hit it. Merely entering would have deterred lesser men, but Sherlock and John bravely entered and Sherlock tried to locate some socks.

After a moment or two it started to seem as if the room contained everything BUT socks. Various items of clothing decorated the bed and the furniture and the floor. Sherlock's drawers were filled to overflowing with numerous things including test tubes, torn pieces of paper, newspapers, magazines, nuts, spare Violin strings, loose condoms, wood filler, partly used and oozing, several half eaten bars of chocolate, hand towels, not clean, two knives, a dagger with dried blood on it, part of a bed sheet, with unmentionable stains on it, several items of cutlery, including a bent spoon, a coffee cup with a chip out of it, a piece of what appeared to be dried bacon, a pipe cleaner, a bag of mixed screws, several screwdrivers, a hammer, and a bag of strange yellow colored slime that smelled disgusting.

Sherlock seized the bag of slime with a cry of pleasure. "I wondered where that had gone" he exclaimed happily.

"Never mind all that" John said, climbing carefully over a large pile of books that were right in the center of the room "where are your socks?"

Sherlock started to look through some of the numerous books that were placed decoratively, and in some cases dangerously, about the room. "I seem to remember using one as a bookmark" he muttered. He opened a very large book that appeared to be filled with photographs of corpses. A black sock fell out. "Here it is" he told John, waving the sock at him.

John removed several bottles containing horrible looking gunge and rotted bits of unnameable detritus from the single chair in the room and sat down. "I'm sure you have more than one sock" he said.

"I've got two on" said Sherlock, smiling cheerfully. He opened what, in his case, passed for a wardrobe, and low and behold, there were several socks clearly visible inside, pinned on the back of the door with nails. He waved a hand at them and said "there. Socks. Happy now?"

John just groaned. "You MUST have more than that" he said, at last.

"There's some in the bathroom" Sherlock said "I washed them in the bath."

John decided not to dignify that remark with an answer. He wondered, not for the first time, how anyone as intelligent as Sherlock could get into such a muddle and not even be bothered about it. He thought maybe Sherlock's Mother was a neat freak. That would explain a lot.

"I'm quite fond of socks" Sherlock said, pushing the assorted clothing off the bed and sitting down on it "you can do a lot with a sock."

"Well" said John, thinking 'I'm in an alternative reality here' "they're useful for feet for a start. I mean, what else would fit on a foot?" He got up off the chair and joined Sherlock on the bed. I just wish you'd tidy sometimes."

"I know exactly where everything is" Sherlock said "until you move it that is. You will keep moving things." This blatant lie amazed John. In his experience Sherlock literally didn't know where anything was.

"I have this weird thing where I like to be able to walk across a room without having to climb over books and papers and bottles and jars " John said.

Sherlock laughed. " It keeps you fit" he told John "and it's very important to keep fit in our business." He began to extol the virtues of keeping fit in order to keep up with criminals and general low life. John hardly listened and after a few moment of utter boredom silenced Sherlock by the simple action of kissing him firmly. Sherlock kissed him back with great enthusiasm. They fell back onto the bed, still kissing, and attempted to remove their own and each others clothing. This was strikingly difficult, but they were determined. In the process, John managed to rip Sherlock's shirt and four more socks joined the general muddle on the floor. {Later John would find Sherlock was using his socks as an improvised doorstop, rolled together with a large amount of Blu-Tak for ballast.}

After a while, when they were both naked and John had removed part of a Pizza from the bed, Sherlock said "now, if you're a good boy I'll show you something fun you can do with a sock."

"I can't wait" John replied.

THE END


End file.
